Navigating Marriage in Medicine with Dr. Kate Mangona

One thing few outside of medicine realize are the unique challenges doctors face in their personal relationships. Marriage, especially to someone without a background in medicine, can be especially difficult due to the unique responsibilities and expectations placed on doctors for their jobs. In some ways, life isn't all that different for physicians trying to juggle work and home life except that work can be extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Unusual hours, call, and administrative work that can find its way into the home is stress that can strain any relationship if the couple isn't careful.

Your Thoughts Are Key to Winning Marriage

According to my guest, Dr. Kate Mangona of the Marriage, Medicine, & Money Podcast, the most important takeaway in her experience is realizing that the relationship will be exactly how you perceive it. This means that you need to understand your partner and recognize that they may be seeing a situation in a different way than you. You have to be empathetic to their viewpoint and also intentional about communicating with them to understand why they feel the way they do. Maybe you just need to ask them what they are feeling to period since guessing often leads to disagreements and hurt feelings.

Don't Be Defensive

Fundamentally, how you are feeling will shape your relationship. If you think someone is controlling then you will become defensive. In fact, being defensive is a perfectly normal and predictable reaction to many situations and conversations we have that have any element of disagreement. But we must try our best to understand our partner and their point of view because maybe they aren't being controlling but protective for some reason we don't know. A great example is someone who is upset every time we make a purchase and complains that we are wasting money. Perhaps they are just being cheap but maybe they were mentally keeping track of expenses so that the two of you could afford to go on a special surprise vacation. It is important to better understand the situation and partner rather than jump to becoming defensive.

What Are the Stakes?

All of these strategies are so important because we rely on each other for support through the unending stressors that accompany life. Whether it is at work, the children, or extended family, we will encounter challenges that are so much easier to handle with someone trusted at your side. Strong relationships take work and understanding but come with a lot of joy and fulfillment that make it worth while. Failure to be mindful of our personal relationships and marriages in medicine can lead to divorce, substance abuse, and even suicide as we have discussed previously on the show here and here.