We are All Imperfect Dads with Dr. Jeremy Toffle

Perfection. We all strive for it. Some more maniacally than others, but we all look to be better versions of who we are. In medicine, we tend to be high achievers so, of course, we want to 'conquer' parenthood and be the best we can. But being perfect isn't any more possible in parenting any more than it is in medicine. Human relationships are messy and raising children up to be the best versions of themselves has no handbook. The push and pull of you trying to get your kids to be who you think they can and should be is often at odds with who they think they should be.

What are the Keys to Being a Good Dad?

Although he focuses on how to be a good dad, my guest today, Dr. Jeremy Toffle, says we can't expect that. Instead, we should focus on the six B's of parenthood

1. Brain
2. Body
3. Beliefs
4. Better Half
5. Business
6. Bucks

To be a successful father, one needs to focus on all six of these aspects of our lives to be the best we can be. Each one is important and requires attention and work. Oh, and no matter what you can't be perfect in any of them!

Let's Look at a Few of His B's - Beliefs

Beliefs. We all have beliefs and thoughts about how we should raise our kids. We have values and we usually want to instill those same values into our children. But how do we do it? How do we teach our kids to work hard, get up after they've fallen, and deal with disappointment? Dr. Toffle says there are two ways this is done.

One is by direct teaching. This is simply telling  the child what to think. An example would be telling your child, "we don't fight. We forgive seek forgiveness when we are wronged or wrong others." Indirect teaching of beliefs would be asking others for forgiveness in front of your children or maybe with them. They indirectly learn how 'our family' responds to things by the way you behave.

What About Bucks & Business?

Although these seem the same and may be related, they are not identical. Business is a reflection of how you work. How do you act when you have to go to work or what do you say about working. Are you positive or negative? The children will be affected by whether work makes you happy or frustrated as your emotions will spill into other parts of your life. (Some of these strategies we've discussed before on the show here, here, and here.

Likewise, bucks is how you handle money. Are you miserly? Are you a spendthrift? Do you worry all the time about whether you have enough money? Do you gamble it all away? How you handle the bucks in your life obviously can affect everything else including your relationships with your children and spouse (or ex-spouse).

Can I Be Perfect?

Simply put, no you cannot. You can only react to the situation you are in which is unique to you and your family. Staying aware of how you react, what influences you have guiding your decisions, and recognizing when you have made mistakes so that you can be better in the future.